Fidelity & Physical Intimacy

I love to watch TV. I don't know why I enjoy it so much but I love to relax and watch TV with my husband, view nature documentaries with my children, or just spend time watching TV by myself to help me unwind after a long and stressful day. I've noticed a very disturbing trend in many shows over recent years. There is very little importance or respect given to fidelity in marriage. Many times if a spouse is unfaithful in their marriage, the show is written in a way to give more sympathy to that character, as if they had no other choice and were validated in their wrongful actions. Another problem with many television shows is that intimacy is portrayed in such a demeaning and shallow way. Intimacy never has any connection to marriage at all. How are these portrayals of relationships affecting us. Is it changing the way we perceive intimacy in marriage as well as fidelity with our spouse? Take a moment to consider the quotes and teaching from religious leaders and marriage and family therapists on the subject. 

Marital Fidelity

Kenneth W. Matheson, a professor at Brigham Young University shared how often times extramarital affairs often begin as emotional infidelity. This means that one person in the marriage starts to form an innocent relationship with a person of the opposite gender. This relationship grows and grows as they spend more time together, possibly give each other gifts and rely on each other for emotional support instead of their spouse. Eventually, they have a special place in their heart for this other person, and they often wish their spouse could be more like this person. Read through the following questions to test if there is any emotional infidelity happening in your marriage.  

"Successful marriages benefit from honest personal assessment of our relationships—both with our spouses and with others. In evaluating whether you have need for improved spiritual fidelity, ask yourself the following questions.

• “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”
• “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”
• “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”
• “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”
• “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”
• “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”
• “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”
• “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

Depending on how you answer these questions, you may need to make some changes in your life. Consider an open and honest conversation with your spouse—being sure to focus on yourself and not the other person. If you find you have some real challenges to overcome, you may want to talk with your bishop." (Matheson, 2009)

We can safeguard our marriage by saving that special part of our heart that is only for our spouse. If we avoid developing deep, emotional relationships with other people of the opposite gender or to whom we are attracted, and focus on strengthening the relationship with our spouse then our marriages will be much more successful. 

Physical Intimacy

It's so difficult to have a healthy view on sexuality in marriage with all the images that we see in the media. Because sexual explicitness is so widely distributed, it's become a normal part of TV viewing. It's common to see extramarital affairs as well as sexual intimacy outside of marriage. Many people don't accept these messages from the media and sometimes can turn in a complete opposite direction, that sex is inherently evil and is only endured in marriage in order to have children. Both ideas can be destructive to having healthy marital intimacy. 

Matheson once again stated, 

"In my work as a marriage counselor, I have found that there are some couples who feel that sexuality should be restricted to one dimension—reproduction. Yet President Kimball has said: “We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sexual experiences between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation of children.” (Ensign, Oct. 1975, p. 4.) While creating children is an integral and beautiful aspect of marital intimacy, to use it only for that purpose is to deny its great potential as an expression of love, commitment, and unity. On the other hand, there are couples who seem to feel that the only reason for sexuality is physical gratification. These people become so obsessed with the achievement of sensation that the emotion of love is all but forgotten. Still others use sexuality as a weapon or a bargaining tool. This is not only a misuse of a God-given privilege, it shows great selfishness on the part of one or both partners and makes sexuality a destructive rather than a unifying element in marriage." (Matheson, 2009)

 

The truth is that sexual intimacy and fidelity is a vital part of a joyful marriage. Sexual intimacy in marriage cannot and should not be portrayed for all to see on an evening sitcom. It is a sacred and unifying part of every loving marriage. Fidelity and chastity can be shown for all to see. We can support those shows that portray morals and values that strengthen marriage. Even if we can't find any examples of this in the media, we can still live it in our own lives and teach its importance to our children. 

Selflessness

The most important aspect to fidelity and physical intimacy in marriage is that the only way to have a truly healthy marriage in those regards is through selflessness. 

As Brent A. Barlow recalled, 

"One great problem in this, as in all other aspects of marriage, is selfishness. I doubt that there is any human relationship better than marriage to teach us the need for Christlike love—that unqualified and unconditional love that persuades us to think more of another than we think of ourselves. Yet few of us, even those of us in a seemingly good marriage, have learned to do this as well as we could or should. It’s not always easy to put all other considerations aside and look to our companion to see what his or her needs are and then do our best to fulfill them. One young wife said that the problem isn’t necessarily that husbands and wives don’t know how to love each other, but that “people don’t know how to love people.” We tend to do for others what would make us happy if someone would do the same for us. And afterward we wonder why the other person isn’t happy. One great key to success in marriage is to find out what would make our spouse happy and then to find joy in providing that happiness. When we see sexuality as a vital part of marital harmony and happiness, it becomes more than something we simply give or receive. I like to think of it as something a husband and wife can share. It might be called a sexual guardianship."  (Barlow, 1986, 49)

When we look for and fulfill the needs of our spouse, we will cultivate greater fidelity and physical intimacy that cannot be found in any worldly TV show, book or magazine. Physical intimacy and emotional fidelity are truly the capstone for a blissful marriage. 

References: 

Barlow, B. A. "They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage,": Thoughts on intimacy in marriage", Ensign, Sept 1986, 49.

Matheson, K.W. "Fidelity in marriage: It's more than you think." Ensign, Sept. 2009, 13-16.