Eternal Marriage

Almost 18 years ago, I got married at the young age of 19, in the Oakland Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and it remains to be one of the best and most essential decisions that I have ever made. Since I got married, or sealed, to my husband in the temple, that means that if I am faithful to the covenants that I made with the Lord, then I will be able to live with my husband and family forever. 

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As Ezra Taft Benson stated in a 1986 address, “On 3 April 1836, the Lord Jesus Christ and three other heavenly beings appeared in this holy temple.

“One of these heavenly messengers was Elijah, to whom the Lord said he had “committed the keys of the power of turning the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers, that the whole earth may not be smitten with a curse.” (D&C 27:9.)

“Elijah brought the keys of sealing powers—that power which seals a man to a woman and seals their posterity to them endlessly, that which seals their forefathers to them all the way back to Adam. This is the power and order that Elijah revealed—that same order of priesthood which God gave to Adam and to all the ancient patriarchs which followed after him.

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Because Elijah the prophet restored these priesthood keys to the earth, we have the chance to be sealed to our family members forever. This is an important part of the Lord’s plan for us to return and live with Him again. When I married my husband in the Oakland Temple, I knew that I would be making a covenant with God that our marriage would last forever.

Covenant or Contract Marriage?

Some may be asking why get married in the temple or make special covenants with the Lord? Is there a big difference between civil marriages and temple marriages?

Bruce C. Hafen believes there is a big difference between the two. He calls them contractual marriages and covenant marriages. In 1996, Hafen stated, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.

“Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth…because he…careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd…and I lay down my life for the sheep.” Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee.” (Hafen, 1996)

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When I met my husband, I knew that he was the right one for me to marry and because I felt strongly since I was a young child, that I never wanted to get divorced, I wanted to marry my husband in the temple. By marrying in the temple, for time and all eternity, I knew I would have a greater commitment that would help carry our relationship through difficulties and trials.

Wolves of Marriage

Hafen goes on to explain that there are three main trials that marriages face today. He calls them the “wolves of adversity” in reference to the wolves in the Savior’s parable of the hireling. These are three things that can have such a profoundly damaging effect on the marriage to the point of destroying it. 

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Natural Adversity

The first is the “Wolf of Adversity.” These are natural events of life that can strain and test a relationship. As an example, my husband and I experienced a great trial when our youngest son was diagnosed with Laryngomalicia when he was 2 months old. It's a condition that effects the breathing, causing weight loss, poor sleep, and in extreme cases blue spells and low oxygen in the blood. Our son grew out of it when he was a year old and we were definitely glad to have passed through such a difficult health challenge.

Human Imperfections

The second wolf is our own human imperfections. Living with a spouse can be a great trial and sometimes their imperfections can be very difficult to live with. Hafen wrote, “One woman told me through her tears how her husband’s constant criticism finally destroyed not only their marriage but her entire sense of self-worth. He first complained about her cooking and housecleaning, and then about how she used her time, how she talked, looked, and reasoned. Eventually she felt utterly inept and dysfunctional.” (Hafen, 1996)

Our reaction to the imperfections of our spouse can have a great impact on our marriage for better or for worse.

Excessive Individualism

The third wolf is the extreme individualism that pervades our society. The idea that we need to be left alone and don’t really belong to anyone and don’t want to be tied down with messy relationships is becoming more common. To quote Hafen, “Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone.” (Hafen, 1996)

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As we make covenants with God, we receive great blessings in this life to overcome difficulties with our spouses. The Lord will bless and remember those who keep the commandments. In the words of David A. Bednar, “As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord (see 3 Ne. 27:14), as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants.” (Bednar 2006)

References:

Bednar, David A. (2006). Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan, Ensign, June.

Benson, Ezra T. (1986). What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children about the

Temple, Ensign, April, 1.

Hafen, Bruce. C. (1996) Covenant Marriage, Ensign, Nov, 26-28.