Marriage is Ordained of God

In 2008, I was living just outside of Sacramento, California which was a hotbed of political activity surrounding “Prop 8,” a ballet proposition which amended the state constitution to specify that marriage was between a man and a woman. This would also mean that gay marriage would not be recognized or issued by the state of California. It was a difficult experience as the community in which I lived was greatly divided over the issue. I personally had a gay couple who lived just a few doors down from me and other neighbors who were in support of gay marriage. 

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In a letter written to Supreme Court Justice Kennedy, Katy Faust, a woman who was raised by a same sex couple wrote the following: “This is not about being against anyone. This is about what I am for. I am for children! I want all children to have the love of their mother and their father. Being for children also makes me for LGBT youth. They deserve all the physical, social, and emotional benefits of being raised by their mother and father as well. But I fear that, in the case before you, we are at the mercy of loud, organized, well-funded adults who have nearly everyone in this country running scared.”

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I echo her sentiments that supporting the traditional role of marriage is not being against those who are gay or lesbian or their desire to live in a committed relationship. This is about supporting the right of children to be raised by their father and mother. 

I also support traditional marriage because I believe that, “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” (The Family, para. 7)

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I believe that God has set this standard for his people. It isn’t my standard, but as a Christian I want to follow God and be obedient to His teachings and commandments. As Elder Russell M. Nelson stated in a commencement address at BYU, “God is the Father of all men and women. They are His children. It was He who ordained marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Marriage was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God!” (Nelson, 2014)

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In the Supreme Court case of Obergefell v. Hodges, Justice Roberts wrote the following about traditional marriage in his dissenting opinion from the majority: "This universal definition of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is no historical coincidence. Marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship." (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015)

Roberts also stated, “The premises supporting this concept of marriage are so fundamental that they rarely require articulation. The human race must procreate to survive. Procreation occurs through sexual relations between a man and a woman. When sexual relations result in the conception of a child, that child’s prospects are generally better if the mother and father stay together rather than going their separate ways. Therefore, for the good of children and society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to a lasting bond. Society has recognized that bond as marriage. And by bestowing a respected status and material benefits on married couples, society encourages men and women to conduct sexual relations within marriage rather than without.” (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015)

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Not only is it important to uphold traditional marriage as the fundamental unit of society, it is also important to uphold religious freedom. In the case of Prop. 8, the people voted that marriage was between a man and a woman but the courts decided to overturn that decision, and later the supreme court made a federal ruling to allow same sex marriage. As Justice Roberts stated, "Those who founded our country would not recognize the majority’s conception of the judicial role. They after all risked their lives and fortunes for the precious right to govern themselves. They would never have imagined yielding that right on a question of social policy to unac­countable and unelected judges." (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015)

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Roberts continued, "Hard questions arise when people of faith exercise religion in ways that may be seen to conflict with the new right to same-sex marriage—when, for example, a reli­gious college provides married student housing only to opposite-sex married couples, or a religious adoption agency declines to place children with same-sex married couples. Indeed, the Solicitor General candidly acknowl­edged that the tax exemptions of some religious institu­tions would be in question if they opposed same-sex mar­riage. There is little doubt that these and similar questions will soon be before this Court. Unfortunately, people of faith can take no comfort in the treatment they receive from the majority today." (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015)

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"Perhaps the most discouraging aspect of today’s decision is the extent to which the majority feels compelled to sully those on the other side of the debate. The majority offers acursory assurance that it does not intend to disparage people who, as a matter of conscience, cannot accept same-sex marriage.That disclaimer is hard to square with the very next sentence, in which the majority explains that “the necessary consequence” of laws codify­ing the traditional definition of marriage is to “demea[n] or stigmatiz[e]” same-sex couples. The major­ity reiterates such characterizations over and over. By the majority’s account, Americans who did nothing more than follow the understanding of marriage that has existed for our entire history." (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015)

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As a Christian and an American, I love my neighbors and I also love God. I hold no hatred for those who believe differently than me. My desire is to uphold the family as an institution created by God to help His children gain earthly bodies, live on earth with their father and mother, and gain the experience needed to return and live with Him again.

References:

The family: A proclamation to the world. (1995, November). Ensign, 25, p. 102

Nelson, Russell M. (2014, Aug. 14). Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage. 

Brigham Young University Commencement. 

Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States.

                                                   

                                                   

Why Care About Marriage...and Divorce

Growing up in the 80’s, I was always worried about divorce. It seemed to be everywhere which is not a surprise since the national divorce rate peaked in the year 1980. 

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If you are like me, you may be wondering why it is important to even worry about the divorce rate or even the rise in cohabiting couples. Here are just a couple of statistics that might get you thinking about why marriage is so important.

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In May 2007, Dallin H. Oaks, a senior apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stated, “Why should we care? Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage helps to unite the needs and desires of couples and the children their unions produce. Because marriage fosters small coopera­tive unions—otherwise known as stable families—it not only enables children to thrive, but also shores up communities, helping family members to succeed during good times and to weather the bad times.”

 

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Not only are marriages important to the community, they are also important to children. Paul R. Amato published a study in 2005 that stated children who grow up in single parent households as a result of divorce, experience the following:

1. Economic hardship
2. Poor quality parenting
3. Greater exposure to stress

Amato also stated that if we could reduce the number of children growing up in single parent homes, the incidents of repeating a grade and even suicide could be greatly reduced. “In 2002 there were about 29 million children in the United States between the ages of twelve and eighteen... Nearly 7 million children in this age group will have repeated a grade. Increasing the share of adolescents living with two biological parents to the 1980 level…suggests that some 300,000 fewer children would repeat a grade. Correspondingly, increasing the share of adolescents living with two biological parents to the 1970 level…would mean that 643,264 fewer children would repeat a grade. Finally, increasing the share of adolescents in two-parent families to the 1960 level suggests that nearly three-quarters of a million fewer children would repeat a grade.”

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By doing all that we can to support and advocate for strong marriages, we can drastically reduce the number of children who grow up at risk. 

Oaks, once again gives a few ideas on how to strengthen marriages to avoid the pattern of divorce: “[People] should do all within their power to preserve their marriages. They should follow the marriage enrichment counsel in the First Presidency’s message in the April 2007 Ensign and Liahona. To avoid so-called “incompatibility,” they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things."

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"Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine (see D&C 64:9–10). Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs (as President Faust has just taught us so beautifully), to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships.”

 

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If we do all that we can to support families who may be struggling, it will strengthen our society and brighten the lives of future generations.

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References:


Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96

Oaks, D.H. (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign.

Wilcox, W. B. (2012). The State of Our Unions 2012: Marriage in America: The President's Marriage Agenda. Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project, University of Virginia.